Semua yang berlaku pasti ada hikmahnya. Mungkin Allah telah pisahkan kita supaya kita bahgia dengan yang lain. To be honest, letting go of someone is hard but thinking of it this way, there's always sunshine after every rain. Sikkan nak trus bersedih, happy la ckit kan? This is just a stepping stone. Right now, Redha jak dengan apa yang telah terjadi and hope for the best after this. If i'm happy with the wrong one, think when I'm with the right one. Well, you know what they say, if you love something set it free, if it's yours it'll come back and if it doesn't, well, find a new one. Hahahaha now I realise how many times we're not on the same page with each other, how much we make each other crazy. Pengalaman mematangkan kita. In shaa Allah, this experience taught us a lesson. Mungkin i'll be the first girl who broke your heart, in shaa Allah, the right one for you will come, I'll always pray for your happiness. Besides, that's what friends are for. I'll always be your friend walaupun kita tok salu juak x sehaluan. Anyways, thank you for all those wonderful memories. Pasca, jalan, karaoke, makan, Raya and so on. Hahaha :D in shaa Allah, there will be someone who can make u happy the way you want to be. :D Bak kata aku kat kau, aku xda masa juak mok fikir tentang tok ya la msa tok puas2 fikir. Hahahhahaha!! Jangan risau, aku sentiasa ingat kata2 yg dh ku lafaz dlk. (:

Move On

Bila ku tengok balit gmba lam tpn lamak ku nk di save dlm laptop, rindu juak ku kenangan taun tok. sik lamak gk 2014 :) Moving on and clearing things of the air. 

Sejujurnya, I still have feelings for you. I don't know how I'm going to move on but I know that 'Time heals the broken heart'. In shaa Allah, I'll move on and stop wasting my tears for someone who's never going to come back. I have to face the fact that there's nothing between us anymore and put those feelings aside. It's hard to move on cause my world really revolves around you. My friends are your friends. Tetapi, selagi aku mampu, akan ku cuba untuk melepaskan mu agar aku dapat mencari kebahagiaanku sebagaimana kau bahagia sekarang :'D rantei nama kau, gmba kau dlm wallet, baju kau bergantung lam almari, gamba kau dalam laptop, smua sik pernah ku buang. in shaa Allah la, satu ari kelak aku mrelakan dirik membuangkannya :'D hanya tinggal kenangan yang bakal dihapuskan. deh emosi na. Biar aku puas ingat kau malam tok, in shaa Allah besok ka ari lain ka, I'm starting a new day :'D though it's hard, but i'll try anything i can. I'll get better in time. Mungkin kinek aku bersedih, lain hari, who knows, aku akan bahagia gney kau bahagia kinek (': 

Ya Rabbi!! rindu serindu rindunyaaa ku ngn kau eh :'( apahal susah gilak tem tok, the past relationship sik juak smpe cmtok skalik. hehhh! astaghfirulahalazim sik bait compare2. gk ingt masa raya, hahaha smpe kenak kejar asuk :'D ya bena klmj. mls ku nga gmba gk, ngis jak2 klk ;') hahahahaha emosi. dh gk eh mina. Let go of all the memories. Stop holding on. ('; "Mungkin ada yang lebih baik untuk menjadi bakal imamku." 

Biarlah ini kali terakhir aku mengejarmu. Semoga kau kekalkan kebahagiaanmu. xx

Lelaki Paling Bengap Pernah ku Jumpa

Astaghfirulahalazim! Apa gik kau maok? Sik puas gk ngn apa nk aku dah brik kah? you want more? manusia memang ada yang tak pandai nak bersyukur kan? Not to say that I know, but me as humans, we do want more, but this is over the top. Tolonglah jangan ganggu idup aku. I thought lah my friendship with her is because of awkwardness but no, hell no. patut lah she's been that cold. Because salah info. alik2 aku madah banyak KAWAN laki. palak kau ku madah layan. mun aku mdh layan ng lmk dh ku xmk nego nya eh. kau pikey aku tok jaik glk ngn kwn ka? esp my bestfriend? k ya dlk. knek ntah la apa ndak ka. aku mdh nya bnyk kwn just to justify what he wants. I mean, I've known him for 1 year dah xmgkin ku xtauk nak gney type nya. nya ya kuat jeles. aku kawan laki pun x blh. mejin jak gney mun ngn mpuan ya banyak KAWAN laki. please lah. KAWAN bukan LAYAN. bodo na eh. sa nak disunat sunat ku mena2 laki ya. kerat2 abis. gya kah laki? ka nya pon pon? heiii pleaselah. GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT. I have never hated someone as much as i hate you. I feel like burning your house down, killing you, making you die agonizingly. That is how much I hate you. But i'm not that crazy to kill you. I'm just gonna make you suffer. I'm gonna make sure cinta kau akan sentiasa bertepok sebelah tangan. Mun lagik mejal cmya. mtk simpati. sikpat pandei gk otak ka? ng mena sik pndei nak nackle. mun kau baca, baguslah :D sak kau tauk gney aku asa benciknya aku terhadap kau. Perasaan aku boleh berubah dengan sekelip mata. Walau sikit pun salah, akan brubah. Apa lagik nok besar2 tok salah, memang sikkan nak bait lah aku ngn kau. Sorry to say lah. I don't want peace with you. Aku dah cukup sabar ngn kau throughout the relationship, you want to see me mad? Polah gk kau gya, mena2 ku g pustaka kerat peanuts kau. Sometimes, kesabaran aku masih ada gney2 pun kau jaik ngn aku dolok, memang tetap ada sabar gney2 tipis pun aku masih juak sabar, tapi mun sampei libatkan kawan aku, gerek aku, boleh tahan kau tok. mintak dibunoh oleh aku kah?! -.- selamak tok memang kau x penah nak nga aku hilang kesabaran nak? kau mmg pikey aku tok lemah mala mujok kau, senang mk diperdaya 'cium batu nisan kmk' la apa la. but though that, SEMUA MANUSIA MEMPUNYAI HATI DAN PERASAAN. AKU MANUSIA YANG PENYABAR. I AM FORGIVING. MY STANDARD IS HIGHER THAN YOURS. SORRY TO SAY LA K. NOT MY TASTE. NOT MY CUP OF TEA. SETUPID PEOPLE. ya bok bena2 setupid. But, I can only say, HARAP KAU SEDAR ATAS PERBUATAN KAU YA. MUNGKIN AKU SIKKAN POLAH APA2, TAPI MUN KAU PLH KAT ORG LAIN, JANGAN HARAP KAU NAK NGA DUNIA AGK. KAU MOK KENAK DOLOK BARUK NAK SEDAR NAK? CMYA PESEN KAU NAK? I'M JUST GONNA HOPE YOU REALIZE YOUR MISTAKES AND LEARN FROM IT. MUN SIK SEDAR2, SIKPA, AKU BERIMAN KPD QADA' DAN QADAR. :) faham-faham lah kau ya k.

xx mina

Just a little bit emo today.

SO, I have no idea why but I feel like updating my blog. And I know DANNY, msti ktk baca tok nak? HAHA dah agak dah. sorry tok mungkin post nok emo laluuuuuuuuuuuuu. hahahaha deh.

So, where should I start?
first of all, long distance suck. *raise eyebrow* *sigh* You know what I mean? Well obviously you don't. k. What I don't like about it is you know when I'm down, I need support, that is when I need him. I mean, I do have my best friends but I don't want to trouble them and be the attention seeker unlike someone. ok backspace. that's harsh. but true though. You know how it feels, when you need that person like seriously need him/her, he/she is far away like few miles away(ok, i might over exaggerate about this but hey, its the same thing). Hurts like hell and all you can do is CRY. But i don't cry, that would be really emo. If I was not in Malaysia, then I'd cry my heart out. Oh god mina. Why is thee words so emo? k. dah lah mina. bodo emo eh.
the point is, sometimes, when I feel down, he was always the one to cheer me up, especially at dp. during pasca? he was the one who made me smile to my ears and laugh like usual. so to not have him next to me is a challenge. though we're not that far away, but we don't have the time and the place to meet up you know. Busy with tuitions and stuffs. see what i mean? but we managed though. all we can do is otp. and you wanna know how that feels, yeah macam cakap biasa but you really feel like you want to meet him you know. macam nang eager nak jumpa because of rindu glk2. oh gosh. I never really had someone who i share everything with, I mean boy-best friends. like seriously EVERYTHING. about my love life and reality, he knows everything and he knows how i role. k that sounds weird. but nah. i don't care. kinek bok aku merasa because baruk kinek aku down, aku mala simpan pasaan until it eats me up. and so, this happens. missing him is what happens. arh stupid feelings. :( dahlah tdik bok nemu, rindu gk. heh bodo. All relationships have their ups and downs. bulak lah sikda nak? mun xda ups and downs, banyak secrets. :) aku xtauk senanya motif apa update blog but this is what i want to say, that i miss you so much.  ❤

Carry on and love stronger.

I've finally seen a much clearer world when I've moved on from my first love. I no longer hold on to the future of being with my ex. And this is because of my <3 

Oi sayangggg kau gilak gilak! hihi kmk tauk ktk sik suka guna aku kau kan hihi <3 :p 

Ritok, genap 2 bulan dah aku ngnnya. From 20/12/2012 till today, 20/02/2012. Selamak 2 bulan tok, memang xda gadoh. xmk ku gadoh ngnnya, Sik rela ku. If before, with my ex, I always fought with him. We just don't have the kind of chemistry like my bestfriend and I have. Of course now, he's no longer my best friend. But I have not confirmed what I'm feeling as I have trust issues. But I never second guess my feelings towards him. Cause I know this is real. What I don't trust, is me actually. Cause I always feel like I really love that someone, but my ego has made me blind and just made me think all those negative thoughts and those negative thoughts led to a fight and break up. But so far, during my relationship with him, those negative thoughts didn't came. This is definitely the first. Maybe because we started as best friends to platonic and now? I trusted him from we were best friends. We were close even before the PMR. So, yeah. I trusted him cause yknow, he was the only one who can see my pain eventhough I was laughing and being happy. He saw me when I was invisible. The last day of pasca, the guy I used to like(I have no idea why I liked him in the first place) made stories about what my ex told his classmate and his classmate told him(long story). What my ex said to my classmate is that we broke up because of some guy, but what he said to me, my ex's classmate told him that we broke up because I cheated. -.- So, I was disappointed and sad. When I wanted to cry, he made me laugh. We were in class, and he asked ting to make balloon flower, love, ring. and the colours were the one that we both loved. It cheered me up a little, he was like my savior. HAHAHA APAKAH INGGAR sikit demi sikit, he managed to made me smile to my ears, laugh as usual when i really feel like crying. Thank you for that day. And I'm sure there are more of the days I feel like crying, but he can still make me smile and laugh. When I'm with him, my spirits lifted. macam ada semangat jak. hehh what the f am I feeling?! omeee gosh. This is how I know its real. I don't wanna compare this relationship with the past one, because both of em came unexpectedly. But, as for him, we were both classmates for 2 years. Best friends for months. :) I didn't realise that I'm in love with my best friend. oh god. funny juak. hahaha We were platonic cause people thought we were a couple. Everyone. Like almost all of his friends. When he told his friends we were just friends, they thought he was bluffing. Soooo, we decided to prank them. We made the relationship status in fb. and started putting all those loves and stuffs. Tapi mk tauk, perey tetak bila otp mlm ya. HAHAHAHAHA!!!! perey eh perey! sbb ramey nok cayak! kkya nak, janggal ada juak. sbb aku kan sik pernah love love lam fb selain dri ex aku. janggal. nya pun janggal,cause its been so long since a relationship. Though taduak hanya bestfriends, mmg aku pun asa mcm couple sbb we called everynight. Even before pmr. omgosh. ada nk lamak2 juak. smpei tido sama gkya! hahahaha!! merapu juak! hahahahaha 'minaaa. jum tidoo. ktk bini kmkk. msok bilit juh.' aku layannn jakk. pa nyuroh mrapu ngn aku nak? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! nyaman gk sa kau. hahahahhahahaha kidding :* Nok nyuroh aku xmk melepasnya is, my ex and the guy I like trust him to take care of me. I mean, ex aku yaa bahh! bukannya maok melepas aku ngn org lain dolok. kinek mmg lah, cause dah move on lah kan. but dolok? that's why aku xmk lepas aluuuu ngn this guy. I'm just so hopelessly romantic. HAHAHAHAHHA for me, for my ex saying something like that, makes me really wanna hold on to this. I'm just gonna wait for the fifth month, cause problem arises on the fifth month together. I know this, cause of my ex. I mean, nya juak mdh ngn aku, awl2 mmg lah bahagia tek nak, tp tga lah kdk taduak. tapi, aku sik endah gilak apa mdh nya,cause, aku tauk, hubungan aku ngn MN lain. ng jaoh beza dgn hubungan aku ngn ex aku dolok. I mean, they are two different person. Sorang ya egoo nang tinggi.  Sorang ya, simpan ego. huhhh. No one has really captured my heart after my ex. Wlpn aku ada suka suka orang, tapi orang ya sik dapat nak tawan hati aku mena mena bh. But he can. Patience is the key though. He told me I was kinda hard to tackle. HAHAHAH! mmg, well. I'm not used to it. I mean, bak kata aku tek, mmg xda org pat tawan aku lekak ex aku bh. ya aku mcmya dolok. tp bila ku tga kesungguhannya ndak alah2 ng xputus asa eh, made me think he's definitely serious in wanting the relationship. I still remembered that fight with him 18/12/2012. I'm truthfully sorry. But there were benefits from that fight. Despite all those crying and not feeling good and whatsoever, than making him wait for 2 years after I finished my SPM, he didn't have to wait anymore. I also treated him differently than before which made him very happy. He made me admit something I didn't wanna admit. LIKE SERIOUSLY. MALU! arh! 

This relationship came unexpectedly and I hope it stays forever and always ;) Whats funny about it, is that the both of us actually had feelings for each other during form 2. I liked him cause he was a joker and such a bad boy. MAJOR TURN ON! HAHAHAHA! :D but,we were too young, and I met my ex, so it didn't work. 

I'd like to pen off here. ciahhhh skema HAHAHAHHAA! bodooo mena. hahahaha

mina ;) xx

Aku minta maaf MN :')

Ya Allah :') apa dah aku plh? aku xmk kehilangan org yang aku amat memerlukan dan sayang :'( you were a part of my life and you're still a part of my life. i don't wanna lose you at all but if that's what you want, :') You're my best friend, someone i can be myself. Usually I keep everything to myself, but i share everything with you and to have you go? hurts. </3 that's why i've been crying myself to sleep. I don't know what to do. seriously. Jalan kelak gk? hadoh. tahan jak air mata yaaa mina. nya merajuk ngn kau pun kau dah nak ngis. minaaaaa, cmne cmne :'( that's the reason I don't wanna go. I don't wanna end up crying or trying to do anything stupid. Yknow me.

This is so not me. Usually I cried for one time and the next I'm fine. But this? this is rock bottom. I cried myself to sleep. I literally did. And I never did that before.  Usually I cried and then aku sedar yang aku mk tido. cause tired. But this is different. In the middle of it, I slept. and I just realize it in the morning :') and I did that again tonight. and now i'm awake and i can't express my feelings in twitter nor fb. This is the only way. Thank you google :*

Bena org pdh kan, Org yang sayang lebih akan sakit lebeh :') And for that, I don't want to make you love or think of me anymore. I don't want you to get hurt. anymore. Apa guna nak? :') bagus kau ngn perempuan lain dari kau sakit ati ngn aku.

I can't probably say this to him as he doesn't trust me anymore. Sikpalah, pasrah. Bukan salahnya pun xmk cayak aku gk nak? salah aku. Aku salu gtok. Sayang ne cinta ne org kat aku, aku sikkan nmpk, bila aku dh nampak ya, nya dh pergi. Yala aku tok cuai. hahah :') in shaa Allah akan ku baiki dan takkan ku ulangi silapku.

Oleh sbb nya best friend aku, aku sayang nya, aku terjatuh hati. Tetapi apa sayangnya cintanya plh kat aku? hebatnya. :') Ya Allah. all the memories :') Nya mujok aku bila aku sedih, nya bahagiakan aku, nya plh ku suka gaduh2 ngnnya. haihh betapa bodohnya aku.  hapuskan lah rasa ini. Hapuskan segala duka.

To MN, I'm sorry. Forever sorry. And I won't rest till you forgive me. </aku cinta kau.  :'(

PMR and Stupidos Drama

Assalamualaikum
Sorry it took me so long to update my blog. I'm glad PMR is O-V-E-R over. :D Firstly, PMR? This year's paper is definitely tricky. I mean, LIKE SERIOUSLY. Compare to all the other past year paper, this year? Is definitely NOT a piece of cake. Those nerds showing off 'yeah it was a piece of cake' F MEN! Can I have your brain? hahaha But so far, 2 A's in my hands babes! Alhamdulillah :D all my tuition work paid off. :D
Secondly, Let me tell you about the 'stupidos' drama. There's this dude, Let's just call him PUSAK. well, it started out like this. Last last week, my friends and I went to shukie, then we LEPAKS babessss at City Cafe. Then, we connect the wifi and bla2, skip to the point. My friends used my phone and send a message 'are you still in dp next year' to pusak. then, pusak replied yes and asked me if i'm moving next year. and i told him YES (Which is a LIE) and he told me the truth about my BEST FRIEND. 'Why do you pick a rude and bad guy as your best friend? I'm intrigued.' Mind my language, but shit man. I don't care if you're intrigued, but dude, I'm not picky in this best friend stuff because I know I have my flaws too. You're not much of a person either so don't judge. Then he started telling me everything about my bst friend, and senang cerita, apa gk aku? dah malas layan soh best friend jawab.. ;D and then he started saying that it was all an experiment to see if our friendship is really strong BLAH BLAH BLAH. STFU MAN. Kalau aku tek lurus bendul, nang ku cayak cakap kau. and mun ku cayak cakap kau, nang putus friendship mekduak. Mun putus, bkn aku kau jwb. dkt best friend aku la kau jwb.  Then, we argued in fb using my account in inbox. about 6 people logged in my fb account just to argue with that 'douchebag'. Then, things got out of hand and my best friend asked him to meet him in the classroom. First I went in the classroom, he don't want to face me, but when my best friend comes, 'Hai! Assalamualaikum' again, please mind my language, shit man! You acted like everything's okay. What are you? 5? This ain't a small matter. You back stabbed. and heck yeah, bak kata nizar, we're connected in the social network. It would be the dumbest idea to back stab people, ESPECIALLY best friends. Oh yeah, one thing, jangan libatkan Islam dalam masalah kita, Islam sikda kenak mengenak dengan punca kita gaduh. So why nak libat? Cakap kemain cara Islam cara Islam. Dude, Islam berani. kau ya bagei nak ngis berdepan. Herannnn ku. 
Third, another drama. Well, this topic, I can't tell anyone. It's just a stupid matter. It'll make me cry. haha JK. so emo.

Nyway, Bye till me next entry.

mina xx :)

I need a doctor.

Doctor what you say? Doktor hati HAHAHA EEW MUCH. I really need a doctor. I've got this massive headache like someone's been drilling my head, and the throbbing feeling the pain the spinning around, the stabbing feeling. -.- I don't want to worry to much, but now i have flu and i cough. I wanted to visit the doctor but.. I don't know what to say to my mum. My headache medicine is finish already. :)

A message to you who's not reading this. ;)

I will never be able to earn your forgiveness am I? ;) sikpa la, memang i deserve it kan? It's fine. It's just the guilt that's eating me up. I lost my best friend? And heck yeah it doesn't feel good at all. I don't want you to feel like I don't love you hypothetically. Because I have been in love with you all this time. Hahaha maybe that's the way life is. :) dhlh, I don't want anybody to worry about me, I'm not an attention seeker. Sorry k. Not interested.

This time, single till form 5 :) focus on school studies. School has been a roller coaster ride :o but instead of vomiting, i get sick. DEKAT2 NAK PMR TOK AKU SAKIT! Palak pening sik tentu, sora sengung. Such a disaster man. -.- We want to know ze truth. Crap. You haven't told us the truth, so it's true you've been lying to us since form 2. Actually we all knew, with the chicken pox drama about the model to the brothers and the sick cancer mother then ada mother lagi. I mean, we're not dumb hello? You don't get to fool people, keep your lies on track, tok sik, ketara tauk sik. I'm not encouraging you to lie, but seriously? once is enough dude. We don't go around asking 'YO! Your mother keja apa? keja petronas eh? come be friends with me, don't go around there, that's for the low standards.' We're not like that --' We don't care about standards, just as long as we accept your attitude and we can joke around without making your feelings hurt. That's the friend we've been looking for. sik la kita bguro lebeh2 nya alu sik heart, orang tego pn we accept bh. tk sik, kdk kita tk jaik gilak ngekot standard -.- scuse me, we're nothing like that.

PMR is in 38 Days :) grr berjuang habis-habisan! man, I got 5A's for trial 2. and the B's? 78 78 -.- this is so not cool mennn.

p/s : You make me happy :) xx I think you know who you are :)

Everything happens for a reason :') Jangan salahkan takdir :') mungkin takdir memisahkan kita dengan orang yang tersayang. Maafkan segala kesilapan aku :') you deserve better, you can't be with someone who don't appreciate you. I wish you all the best in life, thank you for everything yang telah ktk korbankan utk kmk :') Benar kata orang, you will start appreciating when you realized you lost them already. Good bye. :')

Terasa?

I heard people saying that someone terasa because of my blog this and that, I know you, and If you're reading, jangan la terasa, ada pasal kitak ka mun kitak terasa gilak? Don't accuse me of such a stupid thing, mature k. Ask me and since sekolah sik sama, dm ka inbox ka tok sik, accuse macam2 kakya I'm not stupid la whatever la, kmk sikda pun padah pasal ktk? Ktk Ada nga nama ktk ya ka? Or memang ktk gya? Suka gilak terasa? Heh mun ktk terasa gilak, fine whatever. My intentions are good,bukan nak nyinde ktk ka apa. Dah2 i don't wanna fight, pmr is coming up. So, get your horses ready and berjuang ;) As the saying says, 'makan cili, terasalah pedasnya.' Whatever la peace out xxx mina 

A best friend, a crush, a brother since form 2

Dude, I'm sorry if you got hurt or anything, I just want you to know, I anggap taduak tk brothers and sisters now. I know kmk melebih layan ktk, and I know I might have raised your hopes high, I'm really sorry, I can't help myself, best layan ktk, you know you're the sweetest thing anyone can ever have, hypothetically, i have my days with you, though you're mean, but you still remain sweet :)  memang Betul kmk tercarik2 ktk after taduak Sik melayan, but now I just feel guilty. I'm really sorry :') Kmk bukan mk main prasaan ktk, i know how that feels, mun ktk pike kmk main pasaan ktk, ktk slh, ktk pun tauk kmk knk main prasaan oleh ex nak? Ktk eboh riso k? You'll find that girl someday, *pump your elbow* but till then, though we're not speaking to each other, I'm always by your side dude, ala anggap je adik engkau yang kau tak pernah ada :p dolok memang crush, but kejap jak, don't know, you were so shy msa form 2. Hahahaha tipu la mun kmk padah kmk sik pernah suka ktk or terjatuh hati, dgn cara ktk layan kmk, hahaha. thanks :) yala you humble boy, layan la pmpuan nk ktk suka dgn baik, cnfirm dpt ;) Dush, till then bro, 'cow lok.' hahaha selamat hari raya, maaf zahir dan batin :)

Raya! Balik kampung! :D

Heyyy! Are you going to kampung this raya? How's the month of fasting? Tiring is it? Well for some people like me, they will feel tired and challenging to fight your nafsu. although i'm tired, but yeah, it was fun. Iftar at school, restaurants and so on. I'm going back to mukah for raya and i'm not really thrill cause tinggal dekat hotel and I'll feel home sick and miss my gulin so much :'( home sick cause the hotel is always so cold and It's been such a long time since I celebrate the first day of eid there ;) Hmm, and anis is going to celebrate eid at kuch :') it won't be like last year anymore, we won't meet at the open hotel as I'm celebrating eid at mukah. We can't go to kuch cause yknow, when we hang out with our cousins, we tend to miss out on our main purpose to be there ;) Leka jak gk ho Azra? Miss you babe ;) after PMR kmk jumpa ktk, together we poret hahahaha tapi you gik sekolah hahahaha lek ah. Go cycling together k? ;) I miss y'all there ;( rindu mk bukak posa sma2 :) till my next entry, xxxx M for mina ;)

Trial and psycho

Hmm trial ONE! (; i didn't expect that i can achieve my no more C target but i did ;) i'm quite happy and i've taken a small step to make my goal 75 and above. I know it's quite high but i don't want to think about my pmr during the raya holidays. I want to get excellent marks for trial 2. Hmmm so far ramadhan for me this year is great. But haihh tang excited jak mk tadarus then the second dayy BAMM sikpat tadarus :( so sad. InsyaAllah next week maybe i can. Kakya, ada laki gila tk. I sik penah bersua pun ngnnya nya bencik aku,pa kes? I was shocked and at the same time, i just blurted out what was in my mind. I knew him from my friend, and they made fun of him while i just sat there, i didn't say anything cause i don't even understand. Hate me boy? F you. I don't freaking care. But one point is sure, that i don't even knew you existed. Bencik gilak kau nga muka aku,brambus la tup mata boh nga, sng hati. Malas melayan org kdk kau. Bak kata pepatah, layan org bodo, kau jd bodo juak (; therefore, i sik layan ;)

I gotta snap out of it. PMR is 3 months away, I've cut all the holidays that we're gonna have. So heck yeah, big reason to worry. Cover all form 1 form 2 pun belom :/ only mathematics, bm, bi only :( the rest? huarghhhhhhhhhhhh! It's hard when everything I do, I sometimes think about that idiot boy who doesn't even know I thought of him. ahh who cares? Dah dah, sik maok main soal hati dan perasan. Serious! PMR! After Pmr, then I can think about this longer. :') There's nothing anyone can do to ease this feeling. Nothing. I repeat NOTHING. I'm all on my own. Sure the hell yeah it's sad but yeah, i'm strong :p hahaha It sometimes got me thinking whenever he upsets me, It's something that that idiot can't do to me. I felt terrible cause that thought came to my mind. I'm a very terrible person. I felt so guilty. I shouldn't even dreamt about that idiot. I don't want to tell anyone. Not anyone about this. I don't want people to think that I'm kenja or whatever la. He has this small piece of me that he took with him. Cewah. hahahahaha lol -.-

Hmmmm

phew. Panic Attack. Anxiety Attack? AHH, the first day i actually finished a glass of cold americano. That same day, as soon as i went home, I felt dizzy, my heart was pounding so fast, I thought i was dying or going insane, I couldn't breathe, I can't even focus when I tried to study, I'm always beware of my surroundings like paranoia. yeah -.- I can't shake of those feelings. But yeah, it's normal. I have a small body and I didn't drink that much, lagi2 I minum coffee yang ada caffein yang grind sendiri. Well, saje je nak coba kan. Now, I can't sleep cause I drank Peach Tea -.- my stomach merajuk ahh. :(

My life is kinda a mess right now. Holidays are for studying. Yeah STUDYING. I end up watching Desperate Housewives and YEAH the whole season 7 and season 8 part 1! and hell yeah, I thought I would be studying during the holidays, but, yeah me and my lazy ass. I can't find a way to get off my lazy ass and study. I mean, Salute those whose always studying and don't have a problem with studying like me. Well, certainly I want to succeed like others, but yeah, this ain't gonna get me no where if i'm lazy. TIPS PLEASE?! I can't seem to get anything in my head, when people think of holidays, I'd be thinking about yknow the type of holiday, the relaxing and taking studies away. but yeah, I can't possibly do that at the mean time. I have to try to reconnect. yes, reconnect. hmm. KHB? yes i do need tuition. KHB is the most boring subject ever! I do understand the first two or three topics that the teachers teach, but yeah, good luck teaching me, cause I'm hell of a student :p hahaha :p jkjk. I just don't seem to like KHB. I don't have any interest or whatsoever. All i'm interested in KHB is the BAB teras, ELEKTRIK. I mean, I like gamba rajah, cause that's the only thing that I'm fast at memorizing. I have a heck of a mind, I know. But yeah, i do forget it as fast as I memorize it. Well the point is, I don't have any interest in studying nowadays. I open my sej book,  and all i can say in my mind was, UGH MALAS, BESOK LAH. I mean, I was so determined. Now? I don't know if i can work that hard for that 8A's. Hmm, I guess i just need pressure. And that's why mum finally got a tutor. and yeah, heck of a tutor, pressure. GEO, MATHS, KHB,BM? ohhh god. BANYAKK DER! and she's coming to the house. grrrrr :3 mum said she's be harsh. -.- It's like I don't have enough pressure in school. hmm yeah -.- believe it or not, mum haven't contacted her yet. SO, i think i'm gonna try to ace the upcoming exam.

The pain

I went home early on tuesday. Reason: I've got migraine! -..- The painnnn :'(
During assembly, I closed my eyes and started to think about stuff. Whether I should go to the doctor or not? But yeah, my boyfriend is kinda worried. I don't want people worrying about me, if not, i might panic. Then, migraine ahh! The day before till last saturday was the day I started having this type of headaches. I mean, I can't even stand up. I can stand up but I'd loose my balance :/ adohmak! so I went home that day, I was so weak, my face was pale, i was shaking like crazy. Then, i slept at home. I felt better but I was still having the usual headache -,- So the next day, we went to the clinic. The doctor checked my blood pressure or something, then checked my eyes. Then, told me my eyes were fine, but yeah, you can never be too careful. and she said, i should monitor my eyes and head :')

Skin Care 101 :p

Okay, I've been trying to try and use oatmeal as my facial wash, you know as my cleanser, but I never really did it. Cause I told myself, If other cleanser don't work on my face, I'm going to use oatmeal :p At least it's cheap and natural, no acid and whatsoever in the chemical cleanser. Well, for me, I've tried Fair and Lovely(makes my face have pimple, but yeah my skin gets fairer), safi(nothing pn?), Loreal(this one, It's good, but when I read the ingredient label, woahh, chemical! So, I decided to ditch it, cause my face has 2 of this what do you call it, the one that looks like the moon -,- hey, not good in bm k), Nano(too expensive, plus, I can't really find it anywhere in a regular store, I mean, grocery shop. But it's good, eventhough bnyk chemical). So now, I'm currently using oatmeal ;p and yeah it's quite good. I'm using oatmeal, Natural's Toner and cream :D and yeah, When I touch my skin, It's very smooth :p hahahaha omgeee mtk puji~ hahahaha jkjk

Moral of the story: Don't use too much chemical on your face. Kelak your face can be peeled off :p hahaha jkjk but seriously don't. It's not good for your skin. Must use skin care everyday.
1st-Cleanse Your Face
2nd-Apply Toner.
3rd-Moisturize
4th-Sunblock or powder.
Other than that, You should use mask, every week, but not every day. Just use according to what the label says. If you have a cold cream, You might wanna buy it if you're going somewhere hot. When you're in school, you might wanna bring tissue or handkerchief cause your face will become oily. But not all skin la, kalau you think your skin is just fine, then, no need to bring la. hahaha, yeah that's all ;D I know, my skin is not the skin yang licin abis like haluss~ but at least I take care of my skin ey? :) Till then, much lovessss xx