Carry on and love stronger.

I've finally seen a much clearer world when I've moved on from my first love. I no longer hold on to the future of being with my ex. And this is because of my <3 

Oi sayangggg kau gilak gilak! hihi kmk tauk ktk sik suka guna aku kau kan hihi <3 :p 

Ritok, genap 2 bulan dah aku ngnnya. From 20/12/2012 till today, 20/02/2012. Selamak 2 bulan tok, memang xda gadoh. xmk ku gadoh ngnnya, Sik rela ku. If before, with my ex, I always fought with him. We just don't have the kind of chemistry like my bestfriend and I have. Of course now, he's no longer my best friend. But I have not confirmed what I'm feeling as I have trust issues. But I never second guess my feelings towards him. Cause I know this is real. What I don't trust, is me actually. Cause I always feel like I really love that someone, but my ego has made me blind and just made me think all those negative thoughts and those negative thoughts led to a fight and break up. But so far, during my relationship with him, those negative thoughts didn't came. This is definitely the first. Maybe because we started as best friends to platonic and now? I trusted him from we were best friends. We were close even before the PMR. So, yeah. I trusted him cause yknow, he was the only one who can see my pain eventhough I was laughing and being happy. He saw me when I was invisible. The last day of pasca, the guy I used to like(I have no idea why I liked him in the first place) made stories about what my ex told his classmate and his classmate told him(long story). What my ex said to my classmate is that we broke up because of some guy, but what he said to me, my ex's classmate told him that we broke up because I cheated. -.- So, I was disappointed and sad. When I wanted to cry, he made me laugh. We were in class, and he asked ting to make balloon flower, love, ring. and the colours were the one that we both loved. It cheered me up a little, he was like my savior. HAHAHA APAKAH INGGAR sikit demi sikit, he managed to made me smile to my ears, laugh as usual when i really feel like crying. Thank you for that day. And I'm sure there are more of the days I feel like crying, but he can still make me smile and laugh. When I'm with him, my spirits lifted. macam ada semangat jak. hehh what the f am I feeling?! omeee gosh. This is how I know its real. I don't wanna compare this relationship with the past one, because both of em came unexpectedly. But, as for him, we were both classmates for 2 years. Best friends for months. :) I didn't realise that I'm in love with my best friend. oh god. funny juak. hahaha We were platonic cause people thought we were a couple. Everyone. Like almost all of his friends. When he told his friends we were just friends, they thought he was bluffing. Soooo, we decided to prank them. We made the relationship status in fb. and started putting all those loves and stuffs. Tapi mk tauk, perey tetak bila otp mlm ya. HAHAHAHAHA!!!! perey eh perey! sbb ramey nok cayak! kkya nak, janggal ada juak. sbb aku kan sik pernah love love lam fb selain dri ex aku. janggal. nya pun janggal,cause its been so long since a relationship. Though taduak hanya bestfriends, mmg aku pun asa mcm couple sbb we called everynight. Even before pmr. omgosh. ada nk lamak2 juak. smpei tido sama gkya! hahahaha!! merapu juak! hahahahaha 'minaaa. jum tidoo. ktk bini kmkk. msok bilit juh.' aku layannn jakk. pa nyuroh mrapu ngn aku nak? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! nyaman gk sa kau. hahahahhahahaha kidding :* Nok nyuroh aku xmk melepasnya is, my ex and the guy I like trust him to take care of me. I mean, ex aku yaa bahh! bukannya maok melepas aku ngn org lain dolok. kinek mmg lah, cause dah move on lah kan. but dolok? that's why aku xmk lepas aluuuu ngn this guy. I'm just so hopelessly romantic. HAHAHAHAHHA for me, for my ex saying something like that, makes me really wanna hold on to this. I'm just gonna wait for the fifth month, cause problem arises on the fifth month together. I know this, cause of my ex. I mean, nya juak mdh ngn aku, awl2 mmg lah bahagia tek nak, tp tga lah kdk taduak. tapi, aku sik endah gilak apa mdh nya,cause, aku tauk, hubungan aku ngn MN lain. ng jaoh beza dgn hubungan aku ngn ex aku dolok. I mean, they are two different person. Sorang ya egoo nang tinggi.  Sorang ya, simpan ego. huhhh. No one has really captured my heart after my ex. Wlpn aku ada suka suka orang, tapi orang ya sik dapat nak tawan hati aku mena mena bh. But he can. Patience is the key though. He told me I was kinda hard to tackle. HAHAHAH! mmg, well. I'm not used to it. I mean, bak kata aku tek, mmg xda org pat tawan aku lekak ex aku bh. ya aku mcmya dolok. tp bila ku tga kesungguhannya ndak alah2 ng xputus asa eh, made me think he's definitely serious in wanting the relationship. I still remembered that fight with him 18/12/2012. I'm truthfully sorry. But there were benefits from that fight. Despite all those crying and not feeling good and whatsoever, than making him wait for 2 years after I finished my SPM, he didn't have to wait anymore. I also treated him differently than before which made him very happy. He made me admit something I didn't wanna admit. LIKE SERIOUSLY. MALU! arh! 

This relationship came unexpectedly and I hope it stays forever and always ;) Whats funny about it, is that the both of us actually had feelings for each other during form 2. I liked him cause he was a joker and such a bad boy. MAJOR TURN ON! HAHAHAHA! :D but,we were too young, and I met my ex, so it didn't work. 

I'd like to pen off here. ciahhhh skema HAHAHAHHAA! bodooo mena. hahahaha

mina ;) xx

Aku minta maaf MN :')

Ya Allah :') apa dah aku plh? aku xmk kehilangan org yang aku amat memerlukan dan sayang :'( you were a part of my life and you're still a part of my life. i don't wanna lose you at all but if that's what you want, :') You're my best friend, someone i can be myself. Usually I keep everything to myself, but i share everything with you and to have you go? hurts. </3 that's why i've been crying myself to sleep. I don't know what to do. seriously. Jalan kelak gk? hadoh. tahan jak air mata yaaa mina. nya merajuk ngn kau pun kau dah nak ngis. minaaaaa, cmne cmne :'( that's the reason I don't wanna go. I don't wanna end up crying or trying to do anything stupid. Yknow me.

This is so not me. Usually I cried for one time and the next I'm fine. But this? this is rock bottom. I cried myself to sleep. I literally did. And I never did that before.  Usually I cried and then aku sedar yang aku mk tido. cause tired. But this is different. In the middle of it, I slept. and I just realize it in the morning :') and I did that again tonight. and now i'm awake and i can't express my feelings in twitter nor fb. This is the only way. Thank you google :*

Bena org pdh kan, Org yang sayang lebih akan sakit lebeh :') And for that, I don't want to make you love or think of me anymore. I don't want you to get hurt. anymore. Apa guna nak? :') bagus kau ngn perempuan lain dari kau sakit ati ngn aku.

I can't probably say this to him as he doesn't trust me anymore. Sikpalah, pasrah. Bukan salahnya pun xmk cayak aku gk nak? salah aku. Aku salu gtok. Sayang ne cinta ne org kat aku, aku sikkan nmpk, bila aku dh nampak ya, nya dh pergi. Yala aku tok cuai. hahah :') in shaa Allah akan ku baiki dan takkan ku ulangi silapku.

Oleh sbb nya best friend aku, aku sayang nya, aku terjatuh hati. Tetapi apa sayangnya cintanya plh kat aku? hebatnya. :') Ya Allah. all the memories :') Nya mujok aku bila aku sedih, nya bahagiakan aku, nya plh ku suka gaduh2 ngnnya. haihh betapa bodohnya aku.  hapuskan lah rasa ini. Hapuskan segala duka.

To MN, I'm sorry. Forever sorry. And I won't rest till you forgive me. </aku cinta kau.  :'(

PMR and Stupidos Drama

Assalamualaikum
Sorry it took me so long to update my blog. I'm glad PMR is O-V-E-R over. :D Firstly, PMR? This year's paper is definitely tricky. I mean, LIKE SERIOUSLY. Compare to all the other past year paper, this year? Is definitely NOT a piece of cake. Those nerds showing off 'yeah it was a piece of cake' F MEN! Can I have your brain? hahaha But so far, 2 A's in my hands babes! Alhamdulillah :D all my tuition work paid off. :D
Secondly, Let me tell you about the 'stupidos' drama. There's this dude, Let's just call him PUSAK. well, it started out like this. Last last week, my friends and I went to shukie, then we LEPAKS babessss at City Cafe. Then, we connect the wifi and bla2, skip to the point. My friends used my phone and send a message 'are you still in dp next year' to pusak. then, pusak replied yes and asked me if i'm moving next year. and i told him YES (Which is a LIE) and he told me the truth about my BEST FRIEND. 'Why do you pick a rude and bad guy as your best friend? I'm intrigued.' Mind my language, but shit man. I don't care if you're intrigued, but dude, I'm not picky in this best friend stuff because I know I have my flaws too. You're not much of a person either so don't judge. Then he started telling me everything about my bst friend, and senang cerita, apa gk aku? dah malas layan soh best friend jawab.. ;D and then he started saying that it was all an experiment to see if our friendship is really strong BLAH BLAH BLAH. STFU MAN. Kalau aku tek lurus bendul, nang ku cayak cakap kau. and mun ku cayak cakap kau, nang putus friendship mekduak. Mun putus, bkn aku kau jwb. dkt best friend aku la kau jwb.  Then, we argued in fb using my account in inbox. about 6 people logged in my fb account just to argue with that 'douchebag'. Then, things got out of hand and my best friend asked him to meet him in the classroom. First I went in the classroom, he don't want to face me, but when my best friend comes, 'Hai! Assalamualaikum' again, please mind my language, shit man! You acted like everything's okay. What are you? 5? This ain't a small matter. You back stabbed. and heck yeah, bak kata nizar, we're connected in the social network. It would be the dumbest idea to back stab people, ESPECIALLY best friends. Oh yeah, one thing, jangan libatkan Islam dalam masalah kita, Islam sikda kenak mengenak dengan punca kita gaduh. So why nak libat? Cakap kemain cara Islam cara Islam. Dude, Islam berani. kau ya bagei nak ngis berdepan. Herannnn ku. 
Third, another drama. Well, this topic, I can't tell anyone. It's just a stupid matter. It'll make me cry. haha JK. so emo.

Nyway, Bye till me next entry.

mina xx :)

I need a doctor.

Doctor what you say? Doktor hati HAHAHA EEW MUCH. I really need a doctor. I've got this massive headache like someone's been drilling my head, and the throbbing feeling the pain the spinning around, the stabbing feeling. -.- I don't want to worry to much, but now i have flu and i cough. I wanted to visit the doctor but.. I don't know what to say to my mum. My headache medicine is finish already. :)

A message to you who's not reading this. ;)

I will never be able to earn your forgiveness am I? ;) sikpa la, memang i deserve it kan? It's fine. It's just the guilt that's eating me up. I lost my best friend? And heck yeah it doesn't feel good at all. I don't want you to feel like I don't love you hypothetically. Because I have been in love with you all this time. Hahaha maybe that's the way life is. :) dhlh, I don't want anybody to worry about me, I'm not an attention seeker. Sorry k. Not interested.

This time, single till form 5 :) focus on school studies. School has been a roller coaster ride :o but instead of vomiting, i get sick. DEKAT2 NAK PMR TOK AKU SAKIT! Palak pening sik tentu, sora sengung. Such a disaster man. -.- We want to know ze truth. Crap. You haven't told us the truth, so it's true you've been lying to us since form 2. Actually we all knew, with the chicken pox drama about the model to the brothers and the sick cancer mother then ada mother lagi. I mean, we're not dumb hello? You don't get to fool people, keep your lies on track, tok sik, ketara tauk sik. I'm not encouraging you to lie, but seriously? once is enough dude. We don't go around asking 'YO! Your mother keja apa? keja petronas eh? come be friends with me, don't go around there, that's for the low standards.' We're not like that --' We don't care about standards, just as long as we accept your attitude and we can joke around without making your feelings hurt. That's the friend we've been looking for. sik la kita bguro lebeh2 nya alu sik heart, orang tego pn we accept bh. tk sik, kdk kita tk jaik gilak ngekot standard -.- scuse me, we're nothing like that.

PMR is in 38 Days :) grr berjuang habis-habisan! man, I got 5A's for trial 2. and the B's? 78 78 -.- this is so not cool mennn.

p/s : You make me happy :) xx I think you know who you are :)

Everything happens for a reason :') Jangan salahkan takdir :') mungkin takdir memisahkan kita dengan orang yang tersayang. Maafkan segala kesilapan aku :') you deserve better, you can't be with someone who don't appreciate you. I wish you all the best in life, thank you for everything yang telah ktk korbankan utk kmk :') Benar kata orang, you will start appreciating when you realized you lost them already. Good bye. :')